I feel like an inbalance balance

Hello there, it is I, Jaleen. After realizing alot of things lately, this whole week has been a depressing week so far. I talked with friends, It comforted me, but I still feel like my artistic heart has been damaged. I don't want to give up something because of other people, I try not to. I just feel like a total low person. I really wonder about myself. Why artist do what they do, why people do what they do. Some of the things I have seen is really ridiculous. What happened to just being yourself, not trying to be someone your not, and for what? to impress someone, who are really impressing? yourself? I just find it pathetic. If you are influenced by something or someone, you just simply use the ideas and make as your own. Is it really normal to waste money by being something to be someone you're not? I just find useless and simply fake, I am sorry to be honest but that is how I see. I mean I am influence by Pop Art and so forth but I use my style along with it. Not trying to do everything exactly by the book. I wonder about obsessions too, I will never understand them. I mean in the artworld, it is abnormal to NOT have an obsession of something but some people really take it over the top. I just find it weird and insulting. I feel like there is no real love in anyone anymore, more like competition and just like in the Pet Shop Boys's song "Flamboyant" trying to be all showing off to really impress who? I will eventually get over this state of mind, but right now, it is just a burden. When you thought you can trust people in reality, you really can't, they say one thing and make someone look bad and don't even care about what they are doing in the process. Just coldblooded. Why pick on the weak, why pick on the innocent, how do people get a thrill of doing it? I will never understand it at all. If I can't be myself then why should I be among people who only care about impressing someone and making other people look so bad, trying to clear a name which would be hard. I find it just embarrassing really. Maybe some things are better left unanswered...